What Would You Do?

If you woke up this morning with a sore throat, earache, or swollen glands, what would you do? What if you found a lump in your breast, noticed a mole that didn’t look right, or  numbness in your legs? What would you do? If your answer is you’d call your doctor and get an appointment, do you realize how lucky you are?

For many people, a sudden illness or concern would mean panic and fear. Too many live with the fear of getting sick. Too many go without necessary meds. Too many go without the preventive care that might keep them from getting sick. I am one of them, as are many I know. My husband and I have been uninsured for nearly 5 years now. I had to forgo my asthma meds. I can’t get things like Pap Smears and regular physicals. Two years ago I hurt my back and suffered with severe pain and numbness for 6 long months because no doctor would see me without insurance and the ER treated me like a junkie looking for a fix. One doctor sent me for an MRI. We’d gotten a very generous tax refund that would have covered it, but they refused to see me, saying “No insurance, no service”.  I could barely walk,  and was absolutely terrified I’d never get better. I felt hopeless and alone.

No one should EVER have to suffer or live in fear because they can’t afford medical care. NO ONE. My husband and I, and millions like us, are not uninsured because we are lazy or want the government to take care of us. My husband was lost his job through no fault of his own, and has been unable to find one that provides health insurance. It’s the greed of corporations that is to blame for the healthcare crisis in this country. While CEOs collect fat paychecks and fatter bonuses, the workers at the other end of the ladder, the ones that made them all their money, are treated like disposable goods. They don’t think they have any responsibility to their workers. They aren’t people to a CEO, just easily replaceable parts in a big money machine.

I know some people think the uninsured can get free care at the ER. Yes and no. They’ll help you to a degree-if you have an ear infection you’ll get antibiotics (hopefully you can afford them-there’s no free care at the pharmacy!) Break a bone, they’ll set it. But there is a stigma attached to being uninsured in the ER, trust me. I’ve been there many times. I got wonderful care when I had kidney stones, but when I hurt my back I was treated like a nuisance. When I went there 8 weeks pregnant and bleeding, it was even worse. I saw the OB/GYN on duty for all of 10 minutes. He didn’t examine me, just told me it was too soon to know if my baby was okay and to go home. Then he handed me a paper saying I had been diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. As almost all women know, that is a life-threatening emergency. When  I questioned it, he bit my head off and yelled, “Didn’t you hear what I said? Go home!!” and walked out (I didn’t have an ectopic pregnancy thankfully, but sadly, I did lose my baby).

And then there are things like cancer, diabetes, thyroid disease, and more. These things need regular treatment and meds, things an ER can’t give. So what do you do if you have no insurance and get sick with something like that? Some states have special programs that take care of uninsured cancer patients. Otherwise, you’re on your own. And that’s where the fear comes in. Every time you don’t feel quite right, every time you get an ache or pain, you worry. Every cough, every headache, every twinge brings fear. I live with that fear every day as do millions like me.

The systems in Canada and the UK are far from perfect. There are long waits and other problems, but those citizens live free of fear. They know if they get sick they will be cared for. They won’t go bankrupt or have to suffer. That’s how it should be. No one wants to live off the government. They just want to live without fear. They want to be cared for when they are sick and be able to get help when they are hurt. Health care should be a basic human right, not something you’re only entitled to if your bank account is large enough. Jesus tells us to love thy neighbor and care for one another. When He helped the lepers, gave sight back to the blind man and helped the crippled man walk again, He didn’t ask if they had insurance. He didn’t refuse them because they were poor. He saw their need and helped them. That’s what “Obamacare” is. It’s not a hand out, it’s a hand up many people desperately need. It will save lives.

Health care is a luxury in this country, and that should be a national disgrace. We must stop catering to the rich and start caring for each other. Benevolence before bank accounts. Philanthropy before profits. I am tired of being scared, tired of worrying. I know I am not alone in that. Don’t look down on us. One day you could be called into see your boss, as my husband was in 2009, and told your job of  15 years is gone. It could easily happen to you, and if it does I pray you don’t wake up sick one morning with no doctor to call, and no way to get help. It could happen to anyone. It happens every day.

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Where is the Outrage?

Enough with all the grandstanding and finger-pointing. Everyone is looking for something or someone to blame for the latest school shooting.

What happened in CT will NOT be prevented in other places by gun control or allowing God in schools, because it wasn’t about guns or religion. It was about the fact that the mentally ill are largely ignored in this country. The stigma is still there and the treatment options are not. A large portion of our homeless and prison populations are mentally ill. They need to be in psychiatric hospitals or treatment programs, but because in this country, mental health services, like healthcare, are a luxury item too few can afford, and many more are afraid to ask for. People with mental illnesses are often ridiculed and shunned thanks to the horrible stigma we’ve attached to mental illness. In this country if you don’t understand something, it’s acceptable to ridicule and attack it. Movies and TV shows help perpetuate this. Comedies use mental illness for laughs, horror films to frighten, and millions of dollars are raked in.

Guess what? You know someone with a mental illness. Since the age of 8, I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety disorder, and mild OCD. In my 20’s I developed PTSD as well after becoming the victim of a violent crime. I am lucky though. I got treatment and got better. I still have bad days but I am a happy, healthy, contributing member of society. I have friends who’ve had their own struggles with depression and anxiety, and a friend who struggles with a child’s mental illness. Most of us who have struggled with a mental illness have never been a danger to anyone but ourselves. Tragically though, there are exceptions.

28 people were murdered not because of a gun or because God wasn’t there-they were murdered because a severely mentally ill person did not get the help he needed. Granted, not all mental illnesses can be treated. Pedophiles will always be pedophiles, sociopaths will always be sociopaths. But there are many mental illnesses that CAN be treated-depression, OCD, schizophrenia, PTSD, anxiety disorders, etc. Yet many people with this illnesses suffer due to the stigma, or because they can’t afford the treatment they need to get well and insurance companies refuse to cover it. That is a national disgrace. If the outrage over that was as strong and vocal as the outrage over gun control is, there would be a lot less suffering and grief today. We should all be outraged, not at gun control or the lack thereof, and not at the lack of religion in schools. We should be outraged that the mentally ill are forgotten and ignored, left to suffer and in some tragic cases, become a ticking time bomb that eventually, horrifically explodes.

Where is the outrage? Where are the solutions? Where??

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Secession: Be Careful What You Wish For!

As of this writing, the White House has received petitions for secession from all 50 states. The chances of any of those states actually seceding from the union are slim to none-even the governor of Texas, one of the only states to actually reach the 25,000 signatures needed in order for the petition to be reviewed by the Obama administration-has said he’s not interested in seceding. It’s really just a mass tantrum orchestrated by those who are upset that President Obama was re-elected.  Perhaps some are under the mistaken idea that they can force a state to secede if they can get enough signatures? Not gonna happen. New York is staying.

Ever wonder what would happen if a state did secede? Speculation about another Civil War aside, here are some certainties that a state that left the union would have to deal with:

Federal Aid- This is the most obvious. The state would lose Medicaid, food stamps, WIC, school lunch program funding, funding for highways, schools, access to Small Business Administration loans, Department of Agriculture assistance for farms, FEMA, federally funded flood insurance and housing programs, funding to help maintain critical infrastructure, unemployment insurance, Social Security, etc. The U.S. does allow expatriates to keep receiving Social Security IF they live in a country the U.S. hasn’t leveled sanctions against. It’s not unreasonable to think the U.S. might not be very friendly toward a state that seceded.

Economy-The now ex-state would have to create their own monetary system and then have it recognized by the rest of the world. Until then their economy would be in collapse. Citizens that work for companies not headquartered there will see their jobs disappear until they apply for and are granted a green card, since U.S. companies are not allowed to employ foreign citizens without one. They also have to hope their companies will want to keep employing people from the now ex-state. If the state was home to military bases or facilities for federal entities such as NASA, they’ll be gone, along with all the jobs and tax revenue they gave the now ex-state.

Trade– The ex-state would not be allowed to import or export anything until they establish trade agreements with the U.S. and other governments. That means they must be entirely self-sufficient as they would not be able to stock their supermarkets with food from other states or countries, or their stores with clothes and other supplies.

Energy and Infrastructure– The United States has a national power grid that sustains all it’s states except Texas. Therefore if a state other than Texas secedes, they’ll be taken off the grid. That means no electricity. Oil and gas pipelines are also owned by the federal government, and sorry Texas and Louisiana, but the off shore oil beyond the first three miles belongs to the U.S.

A state that secedes will also have to maintain its own water and sewer systems, build and maintain their roads and bridges themselves, and figure out how to run their airports now that the FAA isn’t doing it anymore.

Day to Day Life- Citizens wouldn’t have cable TV or internet service, the now ex-state would have to create their own, but since they also won’t have electricity, they wouldn’t be able to use it anyway. Cell phone service won’t exist either, as U.S. cell companies don’t offer service in foreign countries. Instead they rely on roaming agreements with cell providers in those countries. Colleges and universities would no longer be accredited and would lose money when students from the U.S. leave. The National Weather Service would be gone, meaning the state would have to rely on its own means to figure out when a hurricane or other severe weather is coming. Companies with government contracts would lose them, which could lead to mass layoffs or shutdowns. Schools would lose funding, meaning programs could be shut down. Headstart and school lunch programs would end. Students would not be able to get federal student loans or grants any longer. Food shortages could be a possibility since the now ex-state won’t be allowed to import food shipments from the U.S. until a trade agreement is put into place. Say goodbye to all that lovely California produce,Idaho potatoes and New York apples.

Aside from what secession would mean for a state that chose to leave the union, it would also be a problem for the U.S. We would face having enemy territory in our own backyard. We’d lose valuable imports, tax revenue, natural resources, national parks, and our sense of unity. Companies based in a seceded state could refuse to do business with the U.S.

Let’s face it, secession hurts us all, and no matter what side you’re on, we all lose.

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Bullyproof

When I was 7 years old I was beaten by the neighborhood bully. His name was Brian and he was about 12 and in 6th grade. I remember him vividly to this day, 35 years later. He knocked me off my bike, kicked me, hit me, laughing the whole time. Then he picked me up and slammed my head into the side of a central air unit. I saw stars as I staggered home. One side of my face was black and blue and swollen. I remember my mother making my father take me down the street to Brian’s house to show his parents what he’d done to me. As we turned to leave I saw Brian’s father take off his belt as he slammed the door shut. Years later, in middle school, I found out Brian was in prison for attempted murder.

Bullies aren’t just on the schoolyard anymore. They are in workplaces, in organizations, and even online.The problem is growing and in some cases is deadly. In 2003, 13-year-old Ryan Halligan killed himself after being tormented repeatedly by bullies, and we’ve all heard Megan Meier’s story. Bullying, cyber and otherwise, causes great damage to its victims. It destroys self-esteem, erodes trust and can cause deep depression and anxiety, and it’s not just kids and teens who are affected. Adults bully and are bullied too.

I know this because it happened to me, and I will be 43 in a few months. It happened in 2009. The bullies were grown women. Why did they do it? I really have no idea. What I do know is that I was set up, lied about, and had my credibility and reputation destroyed. I was ridiculed and berated and lost many friends-or at least I thought they were friends. I removed myself from Facebook’s directory to protect myself. After several months of quiet I thought it would be safe to return and within a few days I started getting friend requests from people I didn’t know with nasty messages attached. I promptly removed myself again for a few month. When I returned the second time, I was left alone.

I can’t speak for all bullying victims but I can tell you that it has caused me to fear for my safety and caused me to insulate myself. It’s made me anxious and depressed and totally destroyed my self esteem and my trust in people. I take some comfort in knowing I am not alone. Here is another woman’s story.

Why do people bully? Well some experts say its because they are deeply unhappy in their own lives and bullying others makes them feel better about themselves. Others say bullies are people that have been bullied themselves or were abused, and still others feel bullies have a personality disorder or other mental illness.

Whatever the cause, know this. If you’ve been or currently are the victim of a bully, you did nothing to deserve it. No one deserves to be bullied, tormented and abused for any reason. Period. So how do you deal with bullies? First, don’t respond to them. Although our natural instinct is to defend ourselves, it doesn’t work with a bully. It just adds fuel to the fire. Ignore them as best you can. If they are sending you emails, IM’s, text messages or any other digital communications, block them. If it’s happening in the workplace talk to a supervisor or human resources, and if you’re a kid, please tell your parents, a favorite teacher or other trusted adult. They are there to help, I promise. Oh and if the communications get threatening please contact your local police department. Cyberbullying laws are now in affect in many states and will soon be in many more.

The BBC has a website called Bullyproof that is full of tips and support. Check it out and learn how to protect yourself from bullies. The bullies may think they have the power, but in reality they have nothing. If you’ve been the victim of a bully (school, workplace, cyber or any other kind), you’re not alone and I invite you to share your story.

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My Holiday 2012 Gift Giving Guide

As soon as Halloween ends it starts, those endless ads and commercials promising that they have the “perfect gift”. Lexus and BMW would have you believe that it’s one of their $50,000+ cars. Best Buy’s singing sales associates claim to know what the perfect gift is for everyone, and that’s generally a pricey gadget. Computers, iPhones, Wiis and Playstations, they all claim they are the perfect gift. They’re all wrong. The perfect gift is something money simply can’t buy and yet is priceless. You see, they always talk about this season being the season of giving and it is, but commercialization has turned that giving into material things when what we should be giving is ourselves. Our time, our attention, our care, and our love.

This year, we’ll wake up to a Christmas morning with no gifts under the tree. Our stockings will be empty. My husband was laid off and we just don’t have the money. Every dime we have goes toward keeping a roof over our heads and the heat and lights on.  By the grace of God, we are surviving, and we have no complaints. We are truly and deeply blessed.

I know I just got through saying gifts aren’t what Christmas is about and it’s not. I believed that even in past years when we could afford to buy gifts. I love buying gifts for others, especially my husband. Not being able to buy gifts is really hard when it seems like every magazine and radio ad, TV commercial and song  is about gifts and Santa. It makes you feel like a real outcast. I guess we can thank the rabid commercialization of the holiday for that. It sends the message that if you really care about friends and family you must shower them with gifts, otherwise you are a “Scrooge”. I’ll be honest, it really hurts. We feel really bad about the fact we can’t give to others this year.

I’m not ashamed of our situation. I know we’re not alone. Millions of Americans are dealing with unemployment and financial issues. I’ve shared it with some friends. Some have been extremely supportive and caring, and some have completely ignored us and our situation. I have to tell you that hurt deeply. To pour your heart out about a painful and stressful situation only to be ignored is like a kick in the stomach. Those that took the time to listen and reach out to us gave us a gift we will never forget. You see, just the simple act of saying “I care”  is a priceless gift.

This season and throughout the year you hear a lot about helping those less fortunate-giving to charities, volunteering, etc, and those things are important. But look a little closer to home. Chances are you have  a friend or family member going through financial problems too, or struggling in another way, perhaps with an illness, relationship or job issue. Reach out to them. Tell them you care and you’re there to help. Never assume they “just know”. Take the time to tell them how much they mean to you and that you care.

Give them the gift of you and your time, concern, and love. That is the greatest gift, and one we just don’t give each other enough of.

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Thought of the Day

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