A Conversation for Robin

When I came across a post from NBC News announcing Robin William’s death, I gasped. “No!” I said, and immediately went to check to see if it was a hoax. I found similar articles from the LA Times, CNN, New York Times. It wasn’t. Robin Williams was gone, and had apparently taken his own life. Facebook and Twitter lit up with posts expressing shock, sadness, and sympathy for his family. I knew it was only a matter of time though and braced myself for the inevitable-and wasn’t disappointed.

this guy was a drug addict and now his pain is over but now his friends and family have 2 deal with the pain, he made a very selfish choice 2 take his own life, nice role model!

I’m not here to judge a man that I only met a few x in San Francisco; however, using suicide as the last arrogant and self-centered act is profoundly SELFISH! He had ZERO regard for his children, family, friends, and the ‘so-call’ charities he professed to love; clearly he didn’t love anyone; not even himself! COWARDICE in the extreme.

And on it went…whenever news of a suicide breaks, the scorn, the judgment, the hate starts flying.  It’s the recipe for STIGMA, especially the incredibly destructive stigma surrounding mental illness.

Robin Williams struggled with deep depression for years. Why you might ask. Why would a man who had gained acclaim, adoration and wealth have any reason to be depressed? There is no simple answer. Depression can be genetic. I know, I come from a family where there is both a history of depression and substance abuse. It can also be due to chemical imbalances in the brain. Depression is as much a disease as diabetes or asthma, and like those other diseases, sometimes they can be controlled with proper treatment-and sometimes not. For Robin Williams, the disease won. He was not selfish. He was not a coward. He was a man. A husband, a father, a flawed and simple human like the rest of us-and one in agonizing emotional pain.

Yes, he had addiction issues, but he owned up to them and right up to the end was fighting them-a month before his death he announced he had returned to rehab to insure he kept his sobriety. He deserves a lot of respect for being open and honest about his drug and alcohol addictions and for doing something about them. It’s obvious he used drugs and alcohol, like so many, to self-medicate and ease his pain. It failed, like it does for everyone who tries it.

I can say with much certainty that Robin Williams loved his family very much, and he probably was thinking of them when he took his life. He wasn’t being selfish-on the other hand, he was likely thinking he was doing the right thing, and lifting a burden off them. Suicidal people are not rational. They are in too much pain and convinced the world and their loved ones would be better off. How do I know? Because I was one.

I know that darkness, that suffocating pain, the voices that tell you things would be better if you weren’t around, that you’re a burden on everyone. My depression and anxiety issues started when I was around 7 years old, and I didn’t get properly diagnosed or treated until I was 29. I was suicidal several times before that point. I’ve fought the demons and won, and I avoided falling into the pit of addiction while doing it. I still deal with depression from time to time but I am able to cope with it now. Does that make me better than Mr. Williams? Hell no. It makes me LUCKY. None of us can possibly understand another’s pain or demons.  I believe he fought a long hard fight, but simply could not stand the pain any longer.

Ever had x-rays at the dentist? Close your eyes and imagine having that lead smock put on you. It’s not exactly comfortable is it? Now imagine it 100 times heavier. It would feel oppressive and painful, right? And you’d struggle and struggle to free yourself from it but it just won’t lift. That’s how depression feels. Depression is not a laughing matter. It’s not laziness, it’s not sulking or feeling sorry for one’s self. It’s a horrible disease, and not something you can just “snap out” of.  Now imagine what Mr. Williams must have gone through, a man dealing with the suffocating pain of depression yet his job was to be funny and make people laugh. The pressure to be funny when you’re crying inside must have been unfathomable.

I am not afraid to admit to my past struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Being honest and unafraid to reach out has saved three lives so far. All three times I saw a person post that they were thinking of ending their lives. Every single time people jumped in to berate the person for being selfish, seeking attention, and so on. I reached out to help-and each time there was a person in true crisis at the other end, and simply knowing someone cared enough to answer their cry for help made a difference.

I believe Mr. Williams would want us all to remember him by making a difference. We can do that by having honest conversations about mental illness and removing the shame and judgment that surrounds it.  The face of mental illness is not Hannibal Lector or Michael Myers. It’s Robin Williams. It’s me. It’s your neighbor, co-worker, friend, or relative. Depression and anxiety disorders are more common than you think. We must reach out to one another and help one another. The stigma must be extinguished. You can’t possibly understand depression if you haven’t struggled with it, but you can still offer love, support and hope to those who are. Have that conversation. Reach out. Hug. Care.

Robin Williams is gone now, but his light will shine on us forever. As the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said so beautifully:

“Genie, you’re free.”

His pain is finally gone, may he rest in peace, and may his family and friends find strength and comfort in the love, laughter and memories he gave them.

James Lipton once asked Mr. Williams what he would like God to say to him when he arrives in heaven.

“There is a seat upfront for the Mozart and Elvis concert,” he replied.

Enjoy the show Mr. Williams, and God bless.

 

If you or someone you love is struggling with depression, contact the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill at http://www.nami.org/ for help and support. There is hope.

If you are in crisis or thinking of hurting yourself, please reach out to someone right now or contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to their website at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ to chat with someone. You are NOT alone!